As the Heart Bones Break by Audrey Chin

Author:Audrey Chin
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9789814516778
Publisher: Marshall Cavendish International

14

Each line with trepidation

ALONE IN THE ANONYMOUS SERVICE APARTMENTS and hotel rooms you occupy up and down the western edge of the Pacific, you go back to reclaiming your life and setting it down on paper.

Nina is never far from your thoughts. Each memory you recall is written down with trepidation, in the knowledge that one day she’ll see them. Each line is accompanied by an ache of longing for her, a throb in your loins you can’t ignore. Over time, you begin to resent your wife for expecting you to manage without her, without a woman, for months on end. It seems especially unreasonable when you’re surrounded by so many young women, all ready to trade their bodies for a bit of your time and the chance of a better life. It’s a subject that comes up in conversation with Chú Hai one evening, before a night out with Ly.

“Do you remember Julia Anderson?” you ask him, looking into the cup of amber tinted tea in your hands.

He nods. “In fact she came to see me at the Institute the other day. She’s in charge of East Asian Cultural Affairs at the American Embassy in Tokyo. But she seems to have forgotten you. She didn’t ask after you at all.” He checks to see if you’re piqued about that.

You keep your face expressionless. You don’t want him to know you bumped into her a month earlier in Japan, and that you are indeed hurt she hasn’t mentioned that to him.

Chú Hai tsks-tsks at your pretended indifference. He squeezes your shoulder. “Doesn’t matter whether I remember her or she remembers you. The important thing is you still remember her...” He brings his head down to you, so you’re eye to eye. “It’s alright you know, con. You always remember the first time. Or you should anyway, even if it didn’t happen the way your heart would have wished.” He taps his index and middle fingers on your thigh. “What you should remember with Julia Anderson is that the heart wasn’t an issue then. It was first of all business, important business. What you should remember now, in these days of peace, is that the body may have its needs but you shouldn’t put love at risk.”

You’re embarrassed but not surprised this man can read you so well. “So, why did you tell me that when I got to this age I’d need a sixteen-year-old for my wet noodle?” you tease, unable to hide the twinkle in your eye.

Chú Hai protests with mock anger. “Don’t misquote me. I said I needed the sixteen year olds. You’ve had the benefit of American beef and seafood for ten years. I’m sure you don’t have a problem with a wet noodle. And you’re married to a beautiful woman whom you tell me you love dearly, notwithstanding your separation. I was free as a bird then, still am. The love of my life died years ago. Almost as long ago as you’ve been alive...”

He stutters to a stop, but only for a heartbeat.

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